A Battlefield of Triggers!

Last weekend, my parents came to visit. I noticed the week before that I started having a hard time catching a deep breath; I knew it was anxiety, but I didn't know where it was coming from. There wasn't anything particularly stressful going on in my life, and the only thing out of the ordinary was my parents' upcoming visit. I blew it off.

I was happy my parents were coming, but I was also a little nervous. I've been drinking heavily with them, specifically my dad, my entire adult life. I had told them already I wasn't drinking and to not bring wine to my house. They were fine with that, but I have to admit the thought of visiting with them without alcohol was really weird!

So they arrive on Friday, and everything is fine, of course, except my breathing was getting worse. Saturday we go to my son's percussion concert, and I felt like I simply could not breathe!! I sat in the bleachers completely freaking out, panicking, feeling like a super tight rubber band was wrapped around my chest, unable to get a deep breath. I knew it was anxiety, but WHY??? Then I started thinking about wine. I KNEW it was the ONLY way to relax enough to loosen the unbearable band around my chest. But I also knew there was no way I could have wine because I was with my husband and parents, and they all know I'm no longer drinking. So I started thinking (fantasizing) about having wine the next weekend; my husband would be gone, and it is my birthday, so perfect!! I began planning my wine...just a few drinks would be all I'd need to relax the horrible rubber band.

Fast forward to the end of the weekend; my parents leave, and I tell my husband what happened. I admitted to him that if I had been alone, I would have drunk. (Of course, now he's worried about leaving this weekend.).

Last night, Tuesday night, I mentioned to my husband that I wasn't having problems breathing anymore, and he said "of course you're not...your parents are gone.. You were surrounded by triggers all weekend!"

And he was right! I hadn't thought about it that way. I couldn't do one of the things I've always done with my parents, and it was freaking me out! Plus, my entire sobriety plan revolves around being active and doing things I couldn't do because my parents were visiting. I basically had to white-knuckle the entire weekend, and it was so stressful!

Now that I realize this, I need to figure out a better way to handle their next visit, which is Thanksgiving, only a short time away. What plan can I make to keep the anxiety and also the drinking away??? Right now, I have absolutely no idea. But I have to figure something out!!