That Damned Voice

So there's a term in the recovery community for the voice living in your head that tries to convince you to drink; it's called your AV - or Addictive Voice.  It's a real thing, and there's one in my head.  I call mine my DV - or Damned Voice - because I hate it so very much.

Over the last week, that Damned Voice in my head has been working overtime, trying to convince me to drink. While Thanksgiving was nice (my parents came to visit), the lack of wine was a huge, gaping hole to me in the whole celebration.  I can't remember the last Thanksgiving I had without wine...probably 17 years ago when I was pregnant with my son.  That's sad...I know...but what's even more sad was how much I missed it. Of course, the Voice didn't miss this glorious opportunity to try to convince me that one night of drinking would be a wonderful relief.  It tells me that one night won't hurt, and I can get back on board with no drinking the very next day. I've even planned when I was going to have this night - next weekend when my husband is away (because I don't want him to be able to talk me out of it). The Voice scares me when it's strong like this and convincing me to do things I really don't want to do.

I don't want to drink next weekend! (I do! I don't! I do! I don't!) I really, really don't want to drink next weekend.  Last night, I downloaded a couple more books on to my Kindle. I've found that drinking/sobriety memoirs help remind me of why I'm not drinking anymore.  I finished my last one a week ago and hadn't started another.  One of the books I downloaded was Mrs. D is Going Without by Lotta Dann. Oh my! I can totally related to the author! I stayed up late reading her book, and she's inspired me to put more effort into my blogging. My hopes are that writing in my blog will be yet another tool in my sobriety toolbox.  Rather than giving in to that DV, I can write about it instead.

One more tool... will it be enough to get me through next weekend???